26 was a rough year. I won't say "bad," because we did get our sweet little Lilybug out of it, but for some reason God allowed a lot of pain in my life at 26.
The Cobbs have been to hell and back in the last year. And I can say with confidence that we are "back" indeed! We have been on our knees in proverbial sackcloth and ashes for a good 11 months, and you know what? There's nowhere I would rather be.
God is more real to me now than He has ever been. I truly believe and feel with all my heart that He is is ALL I NEED. HE IS ALL THAT MATTERS. He's it. Period.
There have been times over the last year when He literally has been all I could count on, and you know what? If you're going to count on someone, He's the one--even through the darkest of times, He has never left my side.
As 27 approaches and a new year is on the horizon, things are looking up for the Cobbs. I am so beyond grateful for that; when I think about it I literally weep. Not just a few tears, but actual weeping. But I am also cautiously optimistic.
I don't want to lose the utter dependence I have come to. I don't want to stop talking to God, praying continually, trusting Him fully. It is so, SO easy to slip back into the wrong mindset. I already find myself doing it--thinking of the things we were be able to do and buy in the next year. So my prayer is this:
"Lord, you have led me through some insanely difficult times this year. You have led me to complete dependence on You, and You have been so faithful to me. Not only have you been faithfully encouraging, you have also provided for every material need, AND given us a daughter. My love for You has grown so much and my understanding of Your perfect love and perfect plan is expanding (although Your wisdom is infinite and I am only human!). As we see the "light at the end of the tunnel," so to speak, my fervent prayer is that I would not slip back into my old ways. That I would trust ONLY IN YOU. Whatever that means--even if it means we will have to give everything up--please help me to keep my focus in the right place: on Your glorious face. Thank you for your faithfulness, God. You blow my mind. Amen."
Oh, and one more thing. God has really reached out to me through song this year. One song He has carefully placed in my life at all the right times is "How He Loves." Check it out; it is worth your time. Either version (John Mark McMillan or David Crowder Band).
The other is "Saviour King," specifically this lyric:
"Let the poor stand and confess
That my portion is Him
and I'm more than blessed."